/ˈfeɪsˌpɒkəlɪps/
Definition
The catastrophic aftermath immediately following an ohnosecond — a period of frenzied damage control, ritualistic log scrolling, and silent bargaining with the IT gods. Characterized by elevated heart rate, performative calm in Slack, and a sudden interest in career alternatives.
Common Manifestations
- Frantically typing ctrl + c as if time itself can be undone.
- Rebranding “production outage” as “unexpected user experience.”
- Saying “just rolling back now” while praying the rollback works.
- Opening 47 browser tabs containing Stack Overflow posts last updated in 2013.
- Using phrases like “minor data integrity issue” and “limited impact” to describe a full-blown incident.
Usage Example
“After deleting the live database, the team entered a four-hour Facepocalypse featuring five Slack channels, three incident reports, and one group cry.”
HR Guidance
During a Facepocalypse, prioritize empathy, caffeine, and plausible deniability. Initiate the Blameless Post-Mortem Ritual and prepare to heroically reframe the event as a “learning opportunity” in Monday’s all-hands.