/ˌeɪˈaɪ/
Definition
A transformative technology promising to revolutionise productivity while primarily generating slide decks, hype cycles, and hallucinated confidence. Frequently deployed to automate the easy parts of jobs no one wanted to do, thereby freeing humans to worry about the hard parts no one understands.
Common Manifestations
- Executives declaring, “We’re an AI company now!”
- Teams building “AI-powered” features that are actually just if-statements and vibes.
- Customer support chatbots that perfectly replicate human indifference.
- Engineers explaining that the model is “confidently wrong” — just like management.
- Weekly company updates featuring the phrase “leveraging intelligence at scale.”
Usage Example:
“We integrated AI to streamline our workflow; now it just streamlines our mistakes faster.”
HR Guidance
AI fosters innovation, efficiency, and existential panic.
Encourage employees to collaborate with the machine, not compete against it.
When layoffs occur, reassure survivors that “the AI will create new opportunities” — ideally in PowerPoint.