/ruːt kɔːz ˈθɪə.tə/
Definition
An elaborate post-incident performance in which stakeholders convincingly pretend to understand what happened, why it happened, and how it will definitely never happen again. Characterized by confident PowerPoint slides, vague diagrams, and total absence of reproducible evidence.
Common Manifestations
- A 45-minute presentation built entirely around one bullet point: “Race condition (probably).”
- Diagrams containing at least one mysterious arrow labeled “data flow.”
- Executive summaries beginning with “In hindsight…” and ending with “…we’ve learned valuable lessons.”
- Phrases like “intermittent,” “legacy,” and “vendor issue” used as theatrical props.
- The same issue quietly reoccurring a week later under a different Jira ticket.
Usage Example
“The Root Cause Theatre production was impressive—great slides, strong ensemble cast, and absolutely no answers.”
HR Guidance
Root Cause Theatre is essential to maintaining the illusion of control. Applaud the performers, take photos of the incident timeline, and remember: the real root cause is always “time pressure + humans.”